I know, it's been a while since I posted on here. Not too much has gone on, just been busy! A little catch up...Jim took me out to eat for Valentine's Day! The first real one that I have celebrated! He went above and beyond for my birthday! I finally had to ask him to stop buying me things! He celebrated it for almost three weeks and was just bringing little things home almost every other day! He still bought me something on my birthday but that was from our babies, Xena and Remmy! He said that he took them to Wolfchase mall because they wanted to get mommy a birthday present too! Apparently, right before they were "escorted out", Remmy placed his paw on a shelf that had a Mariah Carey perfume set and looked up at Jim. The look on Jim's face was priceless! He was so sweet the way he said it. He didn't break his promise and buy me a gift from him, it was from our babies! God, he is a wonderful man!
Mr. John, Jim's dad, came down for my birthday as well! It was very sweet, and both of my men made me feel very special the entire weekend! Mr. John took Jim, my mom, and I out to eat. It was very great that he included my mom as well. I have come into an amazing family! From the minute that I met all of them, extended family as well, they made me feel like I am part of the family and always have been! I have never felt like just a girlfriend or someone they just met. Jim accomplished something that I never thought would happen...he made me love again! He opened his heart to God and allowed God to work through him to open my heart. Jim made me believe again. This family has reassured me that there are good people out there willing to love someone without conditions. I do feel very cheated in some ways. I didn't get to spend very much time with Mrs. Wanda, but she made an impression on me that will never go away.
Yes, I still miss her daily. I miss her texts throughout the day. I miss seeing her smile and hearing her laugh. We would have been very close, I know it! God saw fit to take her home where she could watch over us all and be with us all of the time. It still hurts, and I still tear up some days. I'd give anything to talk to her again, and I know that she can hear me. It's just different! The same way it is different when I talk to my daddy. I know that Jim misses her as well, so I try not to cry or be upset in front of him. I try to stay upbeat as best I can. I'm thankful that I still have my mommy, but I wish I still had Mrs. Wanda also. I am thankful that God gave me Mr. John, but I still wish I had my daddy.
Speaking of which, father's day is coming up and this one will be hard! It is my sixth father's day without daddy. I've had Roger, my step-dad, every year except for this one. It's truly my first father's day without a dad figure to celebrate. It will be hard, and God knew that. He sent me to Mr. John. It looks like that is who I will be celebrating this year! Which is fine by me, he is a wonderful man that deserves celebrating!
I guess it is turning another year older or perhaps all this talk lately of parents, I don't know really, but I am wanting to have a baby. I know that Jim and I are not married, but I can't help this feeling that I have. We are taking things slowly, but I haven't wanted to get pregnant again since my last miscarriage six years ago. Lately, I have been lingering too long when passing the baby section of stores, thinking over baby names, deciding on colors and themes to do a nursery, feeling the weight of a baby in my arms, and that sweet scent of a baby in my nose. It could all be in my imagination as well. I've heard that as childless women age, they tend to want children more and more and feel the proverbial clock ticking. I just finally feel secure in my life and know that God has blessed me in many ways, so I guess I am ready for God has in store for me. We are not rushing the wedding, so I am not going to rush a pregnancy. I know that all things happen in God's time and in His time alone! I know things will be different next time, so I'm going to continue praying and trusting in God!
As far as the wedding goes, we are talking about things as they come up. LOL! We have a beautiful dress for an AMAZING price! We have chosen colors and a cake topper, but that is it. Even that stuff isn't set in stone as our opinions and tastes may change between now and the wedding. We haven't set a date yet. God will tell us when the time is right. For the time being, I am just enjoying being with Jim. I am enjoying how through him and his faith, I am coming closer and closer to God. I love how Jim is allowing God to use him to guide me in my faith. I love having a spiritual leader in my life. If I get confused or something doesn't click, Jim allows God to speak through him in a way that I can understand it and finally grasp it. Jim isn't perfect, and I know that he isn't. I know that no one is perfect. I love Jim for his faults as much as I love him for his strengths. I love him for what he is as well as for what he is not.
He was made head baseball coach for Memphis Northside High school this year! They had a 5-6 record, made runner-up in the city and district tournament, and made it to the regional tournament all for the first time in over two decades! Jim used the knowledge and talents that God gave him to make a difference in the lives of those inner city kids that were used to losing at everything. We both pray that God was honored and glorified through this season! I kept the score book for the team and learned real quick that I have some learning to do about all the things that need to kept during a game to have proper stats! I am going to have to learn and pray to God that the information sticks! LOL! Jim is ready for a break, but I am ready for football to start! Jim is the quarterback coach for NHS. I'm not sure what Jim will want me to do to help, but I am ready! I'm praying that I am honoring and glorifying God by helping to make things easier for my husband. I hope that is what a good wife does. I want to be a good wife for Jim. I want to make him happy in every way that I can and help to make life easier and as stress free as possible for him. I pray that I can do the things that God expects me to do, to be the kind of wife that He wants me to be, to be the kind of mother that He wants me to be. I want to be the kind of woman that God wants me to be.
Well, since I have written a small novel, I'm going to get off here and try to sleep. I hope my shoulder stops hurting soon! I don't know what I did to it, but I'm tired of it hurting. I'm going to Jim's school tomorrow to help him pack up his classroom. I can't wait! I pray that whomever is reading this has a blessed night. I pray that God's blessings fulfill you to overflowing and that you share your abundance with all those you come into contact with! I'm going to try to write more regularly instead of waiting three months between posts! God bless you all and remember to always tell those you love how you feel, tomorrow isn't promised and sometimes you don't get a chance to say goodbye! I love you!
